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Your First 90 Days as a New Engineering Manager: The Communication Roadmap (with AI Practice)

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Your first 90 days as a new EM can make or break your next 3 years

You have to earn trust, set direction, and communicate clearly up, down, and across. The fastest way to get there is to master a few high‑leverage conversations and practice them until they feel natural.

In this guide

  • The 30‑60‑90 communication roadmap
  • Scripts and checklists for your must‑have conversations
  • How to practice with SoftSkillz.ai and get feedback fast
Why practice?

In high‑stakes moments, you don’t rise to the occasion — you fall to your level of preparation. SoftSkillz.ai gives you a safe, judgment‑free space to rehearse real scenarios and get instant feedback so you show up calm, clear, and credible.

Try the app: app.softskillz.ai · Learn more: about

The 30‑60‑90 communication roadmap

Days 1‑30: Listen, earn trust, lower anxiety

  • Start with a crisp intro that signals humility and clarity.
  • Book structured 1:1s with every team member.
  • Establish psychological safety and meeting norms.
  • Clarify current commitments and quality bars.
Practice now: Rehearse your opening with the First Day as a New Manager scenario. Then conduct deeper 1:1s using Career Development Conversation. Build the right environment with Building Psychological Safety and, if your team is distributed, Managing a Remote Team.

Days 31‑60: Set direction and operating rhythm

  • Co‑create team purpose and principles.
  • Translate strategy into clear OKRs and guardrails.
  • Protect focus from scope creep and executive noise.
  • Align on tech decisions and trade‑offs.
Practice now: Facilitate a workshop with Creating a Team Vision and lock goals with Setting Team Goals (OKRs). Learn to say no with Conflict over Sprint Scope and Shielding the Team from Noise. For technical direction, use Justifying a Tech Stack Change.

Days 61‑90: Execute, influence, and showcase

  • Run crisp ceremonies that surface risks early (e.g., retros with outcomes).
  • Manage up with clarity and data.
  • Tell a compelling story about impact to senior leadership.
  • Handle hard people items with empathy and firmness.
Practice now: Lead a learning‑rich The Sprint Retrospective. Align up using Managing Up: Aligning with Your Boss, and present wins via Presenting Your Team’s Work. For tough performance topics, try Performance Review for an Underperformer and Handling a Complaint About a Team Member. If blame shows up cross‑functionally, use Defending Your Team from Blame.

Nine conversation scripts you will use weekly

1) Your first team meeting

Try: I am here to help us do our best work. Over the next two weeks I will listen more than I talk. I will share a draft 30‑60‑90 so you know what to expect.

Rehearse with First Day as a New Manager.

2) Trust‑building 1:1

Try: What does great look like in your role? Where do you want to grow this year? What is one thing I can do in the next 2 weeks to make your work easier?

Practice with Career Development Conversation.

3) OKRs alignment

Try: Here is the business outcome we are aiming for. Let us draft 2‑3 measurable Key Results and agree on what we will say no to this quarter.

Run it in Setting Team Goals (OKRs).

4) Saying no to mid‑sprint scope

Try: We can add A if we remove B or move the deadline. Which constraint would you like to change?

Rehearse Conflict over Sprint Scope.

5) Managing up

Try: Here is our plan, risks, and what I need from you. If priorities shift, here is the trade‑off and the impact on OKRs.

Practice Managing Up: Aligning with Your Boss.

6) Psychological safety reset

Try: We succeed by surfacing risks early. I will model this by sharing my own miss and what I learned. What is one risk we should make visible today?

Rehearse Building Psychological Safety.

7) Performance clarity

Try: I want you to succeed. Here are two concrete gaps and examples, the expectations, and how I will support you this month.

Practice Performance Review for an Underperformer.

8) Tech decision buy‑in

Try: Here are the trade‑offs we considered, the risk we are taking, the rollback plan, and how we will measure success.

Use Justifying a Tech Stack Change.

9) Executive‑level storytelling

Try: Problem, stakes, our plan, current progress, top risks, and the one decision we need from you.

Rehearse Presenting Your Team’s Work.

From theory to reps: how to use SoftSkillz.ai effectively

Pick a scenario that mirrors your next real conversation (e.g., First Day as a New Manager).
Speak it out loud. The app gives instant, judgment‑free feedback on clarity, tone, empathy, and structure.
Iterate: refine your opener, sharpen your ask, and shorten your story. Do 3 quick reps.
Transfer: book the real conversation while the muscle memory is fresh.

A 7‑day micro‑practice plan

10‑15 minutes per day. One scenario, three reps, then notes.

Mon

Kickoff intro: First Day as a New Manager

Tue

1:1 deep dive: Career Development Conversation

Wed

Safety reset: Building Psychological Safety

Thu

Team vision: Creating a Team Vision

Fri

OKRs: Setting Team Goals (OKRs)

Sat

Manage up: Managing Up: Aligning with Your Boss

Sun

Exec story: Presenting Your Team’s Work

Seven avoidable pitfalls for new EMs (and what to do instead)

Pitfall 1: Talking too much, too soon

You feel pressure to prove yourself and flood the team with plans. Anxiety rises.

Do this: Start with listening tours and a simple 30‑60‑90. Practice with First Day as a New Manager.

Pitfall 2: Vague goals

No clear success metrics leads to thrash and hidden misalignment.

Do this: Co‑create measurable OKRs. Rehearse Setting Team Goals (OKRs).

Pitfall 3: Letting scope creep silently

Small asks derail big outcomes.

Do this: Make trade‑offs explicit. Practice Conflict over Sprint Scope.

Pitfall 4: Avoiding hard performance talks

Hoping it gets better is not a strategy.

Do this: Lead with care and clarity. Try Performance Review for an Underperformer.

Pitfall 5: Not managing up

Your boss cannot help if they do not know the trade‑offs.

Do this: Share a simple plan, risks, and asks. Practice Managing Up: Aligning with Your Boss.

Pitfall 6: Dueling narratives with partner teams

Blame erodes trust quickly.

Do this: Recenter on outcomes and systems. Rehearse Defending Your Team from Blame.

Pitfall 7: Tech decisions without buy‑in

The right answer delivered the wrong way still fails.

Do this: Bring trade‑offs and success criteria. Try Justifying a Tech Stack Change.

Bonus: Remote friction

Camera‑off silence is not alignment.

Do this: Design inclusive rituals. Practice Managing a Remote Team.

Metrics that matter in your first 90 days

Trust signals: 1:1 participation, risk surfacing, peer referrals

Clarity: OKRs approved, definitions of done agreed

Operating rhythm: ceremonies on time, decisions documented

Executive confidence: fewer clarifying pings, more ownership delegated

Tip: Close month 1 with a one‑page 30‑60‑90 plan. Close month 2 with OKRs, risks, and dependencies. Close month 3 with a succinct business review — rehearse with Presenting Your Team’s Work.

Before and after: a quick real‑world snapshot

Before: Jenna inherited a remote team mid‑project. Daily standups ran long, OKRs were fuzzy, and her VP pinged often for status. She hesitated on a needed refactor because she feared pushback.

After (3 weeks of targeted reps): She rehearsed her team intro, a safety reset, and a crisp OKR session in SoftSkillz.ai. She then practiced a buy‑in talk on the refactor using Justifying a Tech Stack Change. Outcome: shorter standups, OKRs approved, VP pings dropped 60 percent, and the refactor landed behind a feature flag with clear rollback.

Turn high‑stakes conversations into muscle memory

Join SoftSkillz.ai — your personal AI coach for mastering important conversations at work and in life.

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Relevant scenarios to bookmark: First Day as a New Manager, Your First 90 Days Plan, Creating a Team Vision, Setting Team Goals (OKRs), Managing Up: Aligning with Your Boss, Presenting Your Team’s Work, Building Psychological Safety, Conflict over Sprint Scope, Justifying a Tech Stack Change.